Monday, March 07, 2005
Global Warming a “Duty”
KENTON COUNTY, KY –Louisiana representative Billy Tauzin declared global warming a “duty.” Speaking in front of a small crowd, he explained why fear of global warming is baseless, and elaborated on why global warming is actually beneficial.
The crowd rose up and cheered as Tauzin insulted the environmentalists. “First of all, the environmentalists who say global warming will result in floods are saying it because they are uneducated fundamentalists. Anyone beyond the fourth grade will know that ice takes up more space than water. When global warming melts the ice, it would actually expose more land due to the water taking up less space”
He continued to explain how the phenomenon would help animals across the globe. “The warmer weather will benefit animals all over the world. Polar bears and seals need to eat large amounts of arctic fish to develop enough fat to keep warm. If the weather were warmer, they would need to eat less fish, thus ensuring a larger fish population. The larger fish population would better support the predators of the sea, so less shrimp will be eaten, thus resulting in a larger shrimp population. One thing results in another, and in the end all animals benefit”
Tauzin concluded his speech by asking his listeners to take part in making global warming possible. “And finally global warming will ensure that farmers have longer farming seasons thus producing more food. So I ask all of you, to take part in this campaign. Go tell the environmentalists that they are wrong. Go tell Congress that they do not need to fear. And go tell your neighbors to join the campaign, because let’s be honest my friends; global warming is not our enemy, it’s our duty.”
The crowd rose up and cheered as Tauzin insulted the environmentalists. “First of all, the environmentalists who say global warming will result in floods are saying it because they are uneducated fundamentalists. Anyone beyond the fourth grade will know that ice takes up more space than water. When global warming melts the ice, it would actually expose more land due to the water taking up less space”
He continued to explain how the phenomenon would help animals across the globe. “The warmer weather will benefit animals all over the world. Polar bears and seals need to eat large amounts of arctic fish to develop enough fat to keep warm. If the weather were warmer, they would need to eat less fish, thus ensuring a larger fish population. The larger fish population would better support the predators of the sea, so less shrimp will be eaten, thus resulting in a larger shrimp population. One thing results in another, and in the end all animals benefit”
Tauzin concluded his speech by asking his listeners to take part in making global warming possible. “And finally global warming will ensure that farmers have longer farming seasons thus producing more food. So I ask all of you, to take part in this campaign. Go tell the environmentalists that they are wrong. Go tell Congress that they do not need to fear. And go tell your neighbors to join the campaign, because let’s be honest my friends; global warming is not our enemy, it’s our duty.”